This Sunday is a Kids In Church Sunday! At least twice a quarter we have a Sunday where the 1st - 3rd graders are in church with their children. This is a specific ministry strategy with the goal of helping parents and grandparents prepare children to be in the service while also helping children understand that, if they are saved by God's grace, they are part of the church.
Here is an article by Timothy Paul Jones that explains what we realize and are trying to do in our EKIDZ ministry. This is why we have Kids in Church Sundays and Simple Sandwich Lunches and put together resources on this website.
You can read the article on Jones' website by clicking
HERE.
The animated feature The Incredibles is a favorite movie in our
household—and one of our favorite scenes is the family meal early in the film.
Dinner at the Parr household has deteriorated into pandemonium. The infant
squeals in delight at the chaos as two siblings engage in super-powered combat.
A frazzled mom strains unsuccessfully to restore order.
And what about Bob Parr, father and former
“Mr. Incredible”? He stands to the side, physically present, relationally
absent, utterly uncertain as to what to do.
Finally, his wife flings a frantic plea in
his direction: “Bob! It’s time to engage! Don’t just stand there. Do
something!” The problem is, Mr. Incredible has no clue how to engage the
situation wisely, and his engagement results in greater chaos.
Then, the doorbell rings.
Suddenly, everyone scrambles for a seat at
the table and, by the time the door opens, what the visitor sees is a perfectly
placid all-American family.
Many parents in your congregation have been
walking in Mr. Incredible’s shoes for a long time.
They have observed their children’s
spiritual development from a disengaged distance. They have watched youth and
children’s ministers stretch and strain to promote growth.
Now, in a growing movement in churches
throughout the world, ministers are suddenly turning to these parents and
shouting, “It’s time to engage!” The problem is that many of them don’t know
how or why, and part of the reason that they don’t know how is because we as
church leaders aren’t quite certain why parents have disengaged in the first
place. The result is frustration. The purpose of this article is to take away
some of that frustration by helping you to understand three essential facts
about families like the ones in your church—facts that a team of researchers
worked with me to discover by surveying hundreds of parents in more than a
dozen congregations throughout North America.
1. The overwhelming
majority of parents in your church know their responsibility.
At one point, I presumed that parents were
living in denial when it came to family discipleship. Even though Scripture
calls parents to engage actively in shaping their children’s souls, dads and
moms were simply choosing to be disobedient—or so I thought. As it turns out, I
was wrong. When asked whether parents were responsible to engage personally in
a discipleship process with their children, well over 90% of parents said yes.
2.
Most parents are not
persistently or intentionally discipling their children.
At this point, a paradox emerges: Even as
parents admit their responsibility to function as primary faith-trainers, most
are doing little—if anything—to fulfill this role. Two-thirds of fathers and mothers
read Scripture with their children once every two weeks or less. Family
devotional or worship times happen once a month or less in six out of ten
households. Half of parents never engage in any form of family devotional time.
And the dads and moms in this survey were not sporadic church attendees! All of
them were actively engaged in Bible studies and worship experiences in their
communities of faith. And yet, with rare exceptions, they were disengaged as
disciple-makers in their own homes
3. Parents aren’t being
trained—but most of them are willing to be.
So why aren’t parents discipling their
children? One reason is that no one is equipping them. When asked if any church leader had ever
contacted them to help them to engage actively in their children’s spiritual
development, more than two-thirds of parents could not recall a single contact.
When asked whether their churches had helped them to develop any plans for
their children’s spiritual growth, three-fourths of parents disagreed to some
degree. Other studies have shed more light on the
reasons for this perceived lack of training among parents. Despite placing
family ministry high on their priority lists, youth ministers typically spent
only three percent of their time and less than three percent of their budgets
on any ministry that related to parents and families. And still, most parents
want to be equipped to guide their children’s spiritual development. When asked
in a FamilyLife survey about their family’s most pressing needs, more than three-fourths
of church-involved moms and dads specifically mentioned their desire to know
how to help their children to grow spiritually. The issue is not so much that
parents have resigned their role as primary disciple-makers. In most cases, the
problem is that churches are neither expecting nor equipping parents to be
intentional about shaping their children’s souls.
What Can You Do?: Three Tips
for Family Ministry
Now that you know these three facts, what
can you do to partner with parents to develop an incredible family ministry? In
these final paragraphs, I’ll unpack three simple suggestions that I have seen
implemented in a wide variety of churches.
1. Train more than you tell in
family ministry.
It’s easier to settle for telling parents
than to invest the time that’s needed to train them. Yet, if church leaders
merely tell parents what they ought to do without equipping them, the result
will be nothing more than a fleeting sense of guilt. Guilt may drive parents to
make a few half-hearted attempts at family devotions, but guilt can never
produce gospel-centered transformation.
2. Train at times when parents
are already present.
When you take the time to train parents how
to disciple their children, don’t add one more activity to schedules that are
already overpacked! Instead, find times when parents are already present and
train them then. And remember: you can’t start too simple or small! Most
parents have no clue how to lead a family devotion or even to read the Bible
with their kids. Rehearse, role-play, show them how!
3. Remind parents with grace
and love who their children really are.
All of this will, however, be pointless
unless you help parents to understand who their children really are: Their
children are bearers of the gospel to generations yet unborn. Your children and
mine are eternal souls whose days will long outlast the rise and fall of all
the kingdoms of the earth. They and their children and their children’s
children will flit ever so briefly across the face of this earth before being swept
away into eternity. How we mold our children’s souls while they reside in our
households will shape the lives of children who have yet to draw their first
gasp of air (Ps. 78:6–7). That’s why our primary purpose for these children
must never be anything so miserable as earthly success. Our purpose should
be—as Richard Ross has said for years—to leverage our children’s lives to
advance God’s kingdom so that every tribe, every nation, and every nation gains
the opportunity to respond in faith to the rightful King of kings. That’s an
incredible purpose, and it’s the only foundation for family ministry that will
last. Now, what are you waiting for? It’s time to engage!
